Burger 88 Day 82: Sun Mountain Fun Center, Bacon Cheese Burger

Take a few turns down some dark side streets, past a lonely DEAD END sign, and approach the small “Welcome” with an arrow marking the entrance to Sun Mountain Fun Center. Bowling, arcade, skeeball, bumper cars, go karts, pizza, ice cream, beer. All the staples of wholesome family fun. Which makes it a little weird that it’s open until midnight and that many of the lanes are occupied by townies actively cursing that Coors Light can’t be purchased by the pitcher. But then why limit your demographic. Everybody loves Fun.

It’s a great place for people watching even in the low lights of a Cosmic Bowling night. Over there is a girl that must still be in high school, yet is sporting a quite impressive (and incredibly nerdy) chest tattoo of the Hyrulian Wingcrest. The other way is a heavy set gentleman in his mid 20’s with unkempt neck beard throwing some wicked curved shots and nailing strikes almost every time, yet the half finished cigarette behind his ear barely moves as he launches the ball. Children everywhere, and assuredly some of these other people parents, but rarely do you see the two interacting.

There’s no alcohol allowed in the arcade area. I’m not sure whether this is to protect the children or the games, but not being able to play air hockey with a beer in one hand is a bit unnatural. My greatest wins have come while leaning heavy against the air hockey table to keep the room from spinning. It’s just how you play the game. It’s also how pucks end up through windows, though no study has conclusively demonstrated causation.

The burger was slow to deliver. Probably because they were busy making sure that the frozen patty had cooked long enough on a low temp griddle to bring the texture and consistency down to that of shoe leather. Somebody had the genius to sprinkle some liquid smoke on the patty to at least imitate a grilled experience. The bun was the best part, almost like they’d blown the budget on buns and hit up Goodwill for the rest.

My friend brave enough to attend this trip had ordered a personal pizza. We were essentially the only people ordering food, but somehow they forgot the pizza. So they personally made it again. Her expectations were so painfully low at this point that she found the pizza actually exceeded them. She even admitted to craving that SMFC pizza again the next day, though not enough to actually grab one.

To wash down the burger leather we ordered some soft serve ice cream. Empirically, a twist cone has a 99.5% chance of being awesome. And they were. The high school kid who came over to fix the busted air hockey table pointed out how it tasted like Lucky Charms cereal. And it did. Which was almost the highlight of the night.

The true highlight was that, for a mere 20 tickets (or about $32 of skeeball), you can get a gummy burger. This burger exceed their real burger by a factor of about 4x.

Score: 1.75 of 5
Price: $10.25 with curly fries
Beer: 10 Barrel Apocalypse
Bonus: Gummy Burger



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